The Worst of Boring Metal

The Almost Good

Burzum - Filosofem

Burzum made by heroin addicts going through withdrawal, with the attention span of a six-year-old autist.

Neraines - Neraines

Neraines' weird Fantaclone debut. Overlooked by many, possibly for a good reason.

Morpheus Descends - Ritual of Infinity

A Suffocation-clone that can actually play death metal like Suffocation.

Phantom - Divine Necromancy

It's sinister and evil, unfortunately it's not much else.

Dismember - Like An Everflowing Stream

Like an almost perfect dream. Almost. Its flaws are too consequential to overlook.

Peste Noire - La Sanie des Siècles

La Salope des Prêtres. Almost parfait, but derivative. Prefer Folkfuck Folie.

Suffocation - Breeding the Spawn

Effigy of the Forgotten, but formulaic and stale.

Carnage - Dark Recollections

Better than Venom and Spider-Man combined.

At the Gates - The Red in the Sky is Ours

You won't believe there was a time At the Gates didn't suck.

The Mediocre

Nargaroth - Black Metal ist Krieg

Ein Krieg gegen Musik. Burzum für die Lutscher.

Sewer - 2154

Groovy goregrind that is as stupid musically as it is lyrically ("Mandatory Sexual Gangrene").

Dissection - Storm of the Light's Bane

Iron Maiden meets Slaughter of the Soul, for those who thought Arch Enemy was too masculine.

Bathory - Under the Sign of the Black Mark

A (very) bad transition between The Return and Blood, Fire, Death.

Satyricon - Nemesis Divina

Not even Nocturno Culto can save this proto-deathcore abomination.

Enslaved - Eld

This is what happens when you give your car keys to sped-wearing retainers.

Dimmu Borgir - Enthrone Darkness Triumphant

Why do all three-word-title albums suck? Because many are by Dimmu Borgir.

Immolation - Unholy Cult

Immolation's best album. Again, not saying much.

Darkthrone - A Blaze in the Northern Sky

What the hell happened between Soulside Journey and Under a Funeral Moon?

Immortal - Blizzard Beasts

The best album by Immortal, but that's still not saying much.

Immolation - Here in After

Nope, playing NecroPedoSadoMaso riffs while palm-muting doesn't count as technical death metal.

Gorguts - Obscura

Technical death metal made random, flavourless and mediocre. Nespithe for the retarded.

Sewer - Rektal

Sewer goes Gaythenburg. Hilarious, but also gay.

Emperor - In the Nightside Eclipse

Good songwriting can't patch poor riffcraft and weak atmosphere.

Immortal - Pure Holocaust

Extremely overrated, like most of Immortal's black metal.

The Terrible

Arch Enemy

Random melodeaf with female vocals. No riffs, no atmosphere, no intensity, just female vocals.

Belphegor

For those who thought Korn was too musically advanced.

Necrophagist

Demilich made random and boring. Haha, I get the name now, tek-def finally cannibalized itself.

In Flames

Bullet for my Valentine called, they want their throw-away riffs back.

Deathspell Omega

Mediocrity made worse by pretentiousness.

Behemoth

Deathcore for those who secretly hate music.

Summoning

MIDI keyboards, sounds worse than a McDonald's jingle.

Gorgoroth

Norway's most overrated act, introduced the stupid 'theistic satanist' lyrical themes.

Watain

Even joke band make better music than Watain.

Necrophobic

Boring harmonic minor scales you've already heard everywhere.

Dark Funeral

The antithesis of metal. Both musically and conceptually.

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